Pilgrim's profile一直走，不停的走 --- No dr...PhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
May 08 I dreamed a dreamThere was a time when men were kind When their voices were soft And their words inviting There was a time when love was blind And the world was a song And the song was exciting There was a time Then it all went wrong I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high And life worth living I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving Then I was young and unafraid And dreams were made and used and wasted There was no ransom to be paid No song unsung, no wine untasted But the tigers come at night With their voices soft as thunder As they tear your hope apart And they turn your dream to shame He slept a summer by my side He filled my days with endless wonder He took my childhood in his stride But he was gone when autumn came And still I dream he'll come to me That we will live the years together But there are dreams that cannot be And there are storms we cannot weather I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed. April 28 The HolidayWhy am l attracted to a person l know isn't good?
l happen to know the answer to this. Because you're hoping you're wrong, and every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it, and every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over and you lose that argument with yourself that she's not for you. ……
What I'm trying to say is I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. How it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you. It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get or gyms you join or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with girlfriends. You still go to bed every night going over every detail, and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell, for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy? And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that however long 'all that' may be you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted that will eventually begin to fade. April 26 But Where Are You"I guarantee that we'll have tough times.
I guarantee that at some point one or both of us will want to get out.
But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
Because I know in my heart -- you're the only one for me."
--- "Runaway Bride"
I remember I watched this movie in an English lesson in college.
It can not be called as a superb film, but these lines deeply touched me.
I saw myself in this film, a girl who has fear and feel confused about love, a girl who always wants to runaway.
Now the little girl has grown up.
Although love is unconditional, inconvenient and consuming, it is still the best thing I've ever known.
I am not going to anywhere anymore.
I am right here and waiting for you.
But where are you? December 16 Merry XmasChristmas time is the happy time! ~ Thanks for J’s big beautiful Christmas pack! You know I am a present peeker, so I opened it... Thanks for the Xmas hat, stocking, KISSES, and "a warm hug on a cold day", especially the "Made in China" sweater and scarf… The poor swear and scarf went across twice of the Ocean to get to North China from South. What a journey！It made me laugh over and over… Thanks again for putting my name on Santa's list. This is the first time I have received gift from him. This is the biggest chocolate I have ever got. And this is the warmest Christmas I have ever had. Thanks for everything… My Mr. Big didn't show up at the end…But I couldn't always dwell on the past, time to move on. 2009 is the Ox's year. It is my year. Although the tradition says the people in their year will under bad luck. But I am still looking for it. Anyway, it can't be worse than now. Only when you are not afraid of anything, then you will go further. At last, to whom it may concern, I love you, and I will let you do whatever you think it matters. But someday, someday when we have any chance to talk, tell me why I am always the one who has been left behind… Why the person who said he will never left my in dark, left me in dark; who said I am the person he will never hurt, hurt me the most... Tell me what happened…Tell me how the affection fades off… Merry Christmas and Wish you all the best! December 15 Shall we dance?If I am totally be honest to myself, I think I'd rather die in knowing that I was good at something that I had excelled in some way, than just being a nice and caring relationship. I always feel the pressure of being a strong and independent woman, but making my whole life revolving around some guy… But loving someone and being loved means so much to me. I always make fun of this, but isn't everything we do in life is waiting to be loved a little more. I had worked for this old man and once he told me that, he was spent all his life think about his career and his work. When he was 52, he suddenly realized he hasn't ever given anything of himself. His life is for no one and nothing. He's almost cry when saying that. You know I believe if there is any kind of God, he couldn't be anyone of us, not you or me, but just this little space in between. And if there is any kind of magic in this world, it must be the attempt of understand someone, share something. December 09 Rush to the Dead SummerMy 2008 is only about summer. The sunshine, the rain, the flat or rugged roads, the green or brown mountains, the sea, the temples, the luxury or crap hotels, the seven seats Buick, the white or blue uniform, the endless phone calls, the dance, the beers, the shrimp who jump out of the hot pot, the birthday cake on my face, the silence in the mourner for the earthquake and the cheer in opening ceremony of Beijing Olympic Games, the big party, the map with everyone’s best wishes written on it, the bird who named William, the five-in-row game, the rhythm of “Body and Soul”, the smell of black coffee, the bitter 85% cocoa chocolate, the ice creams, the warm soft and loud nights and all the laugh and tears…They consisted of my unique and indelible 2008. This is the year I finally took out the picture of Roc and me from my wallet, which has stayed there over five years. Finally, I let the past gone and feel released. This is the hardest year I have ever had, and also the best year. I have got to know a group of amazing people, participated in a great event, and met a great man. Even though I couldn’t have them all the way, at least they made my 2008 shinning than any others’. “Rush to the dead summer” is one of my favorite book. It told me a story about angels. “Everyone has an angel who will always watch her. If your angel felt that your life is too sorrow, your mood is too depressed, she will personate to somebody around you——maybe to be your friend, maybe your lover, maybe your family, or maybe just a passes-by. Because of them, your life has a fortunate memory. Even if the road ahead is full of brier, you can still be brave. Therefore, those who silently left us actually are the angels that went back to the heaven. Such as those friends who left you, those strangers who helped you and then left, those who loved you then get apart, they all were kind angels. Maybe for a time you will feel lost for their leaving, will search them all round. Time is the best pain-taker.” Summer ended, and winter comes. Angels went back to where they belong, and I survived form the dead summer… To all my angels, the one I am in love with, my friends, my family, everyone comes and goes and you, Marry Christmas! December 08 Home StoryThere is a over 15 years old couch at home. I always want to remove it.
Last time when I came home, I left some money for Mum to buy a new one.
This time when I got home, it is still there. So I am organizing to buy a new one by myself.
Dad strongly against it, even though I explained I will pay. But he thinks it is a waste of money, as normally there is no guest will come, and they are fine with the old furniture.
Later, Mum said something to Dad, and Dad suddenly become very happy and agree to have a new couch.
......
So, since yesterday afternoon, the main topic in the house is that when I will bring my boyfriend home soon.
I told them I don't have one. And they said, I am almost 24 years old. I should find a boyfriend and get married in one or two years time..
They suggested me to stay at home, find a work in Xiaogan, and then they can introduce some good boy to me...
Huhu... Maybe it is not a good idea to be home..
J laughed over and over about this little story, and then he asked me, "who will be the man that first to sit on the new couch ? "
Well... this is the moment I found my face is wet. December 05 Spectre“Life has awful pause and wonderful starts.” an old friend told me so, before I had the long long night of my life pause. I lost most of my friends in the certain time because of the man I deeply in love with; I spent the money I don’t have because I have trusted a man who I should not trust; I lost my faith of love because my beloved turned his back to me in the end… At that night, the illness took me to Spectre Town. It a very beautiful place, with blue sky, green grass, clear water and fresh air. The birds are singing in the tree; fish are dancing in the river; sheep are enjoying their meal on the grass… I lay down on the grass with my hands under my head. My dearest dog CoCo is playing with a butterfly around me. And then I see my brother walk towards me… Finally, I meet him. Finally, I get to the place where I belong to -- the place I suppose to stay in. My brother should be the only child in my family, but he left before he really sees the world. He left everything to me… Anyway, I am so happy that I could end up in Spectre with him. I was imaging his image in all my life. I always want to have him grow up with me. So he would protect me, whenever and wherever; he would hold my hands when I am weak; he would trust me when others don’t; he would put a smile on my face when I cry.. I finally get here and I am extremely happy that I did it! …… I open my eyes and see the daylight. Nothing changed in my real world. But I am not afraid of anything anymore. Because I know I will end up in Spectre, warm, soft, peaceful, with my brother and my CoCo. December 04 Big FishI have heard about this film long time ago. But because the China Film Corp thinks the war section in the film humiliated Chinese people, it hasn't been on show in mainland. Anyway, I watched it online later on.
This movie tought me a lot.
"The more difficult something is, the more rewarding it is in the end." And when Edward did get to Spectre Town, he decided to leave at the night. "the town is more than any man could ask for.", he said,"And if I were to end up here. I would consider myself lucky. But the truth is, I'm just not ready to end up anywhere.", "But no one's ever left", "How are you gonna make it without your shoes?"people asked, "Well, I suspect it will hurt, a lot." Before Edward left, Jenny went up and said, "Promise me you'll come back.", "I promise, someday, when I'm really supposed." Edward didn't expect a better place and he didn't go back to Spectre ever after. The charming part of life is, you never know what you are going to experience and have. Actually, there is no better place. "Better" comes from comparing with the worse situation. So, I welcome the difficulties and hurts in my life. I know they are going to make my life "better".
"How old are you?" Jenny asked,
"Eighteen."
"I am 8. That means when I am 18, you will be 28. And when I am 28, you will only be 38."
"You are pretty good at arithmetic."
"And when I'm 38, you'll be 48. That's not much difference at all."
"Sure is a lot now, though, huh?"
Well, I don't know how to end up the story.
True to form, we never talk about not talking. We are like strangers who knew each other very well. December 03 The Power of DreamMy first English teacher brought Celine Dion and her music to me in my college time. I think she is a very powerful woman with a touching voice. She has a strong passion towards life and love. Her first concert in China took place in Beijing in April. As it was the time when the Beijing Olympic Games are approaching and there are a lot political issues against Beijing and the whole China, she has been asked about her opinion about Beiijing Olympic Games during the interview. Her answer is very impressive. She said this game belongs to Beijing and everyone in the world. The game is not for the politicians selling their political view or for the business man selling their products, it is about the young kids, who come from every country of the world, and they are giving their life to achieve their dreams. So let's prey for them; let's cheer for them; let's be proud of them; and let's provide a peaceful and beautiful stage for them... This is Olympic. And I believe Beijing can do it. It reminds me her song "The Power of Dream". "The power of dream" and "The Power of Love" are two of my favorite songs. These are two very powerful songs. They accompanied with me during my school life. It is love and dream brings me here. "Your mind will take you far "cause I am your lady November 27 Here's to no tomorrowFelt very sick yesterday, and stayed in bed all day long... There were a lot of memories came to me. Unfortunately, I don't have much happy memories in my childhood. And I thought they were all gone. I thought I have forgotten them all.. But they are here, never left.. I feel sick about those things I have experienced. Fay sent me a message late at night, she said she has given up the whole job thing, but she still feel luck to know a bright girl like me a year ago... Around me, she could feel the warm sunshine ... It was a miracal that we two can actually get along with each other, as she is Roc's closest girl friend. Roc would consider her before me even when we were in the relationship. But I always know Fay is a great girl. I have nothing to compare with her. And I am happy that after all these, we could be good friends. I never consider myself as a sunshine person. I am living a very hard life because I am desperately afraid of the people who I care about give up me and leave me... I am always hoping to be needed and loved. But.. It seems like I don't have any good luck, especially in relationship. I am afraid of seeing the friendship fade off as time goes by. I am afraid of being alone in a city without a close friend around. I miss them. I miss the time when we drunk, we sung, and laugh together. I miss the time when I have dreams and expectations, which I can't remember any of them now. Anyway.. Hope someday, I can find my value somewhere, while someone could see my value, and he will stay. So we won't feel loney anymore. I did lots of stupid things, I know. But I don't regret for what I did.. I.. I know I won't do such stupid things when I goes to 46, so I decided to do it when I am 23. I'd rather to be stupid, then miss the best time I could ever have. Affection is beyond everything to most girls, especially to me. I guess I just don't know the rules when I play the game, and I belived all the empty promise of tomorrow. Here's to no tomorrow, so we can have the happy hours in love, forever. October 04 Sunshine in the RainWhen I'm in Berlin you're off to London Wishing we could be more telepathic Sunshine in the rain Even if we call the highest power September 15 To PigletIt has been quite a while that we totally lost in touch. It is interesting that I set "keep walking" as my Blog title, And after that I totally lost myself. I have gone back to school at the end of June, where I had a long holiday. You were right, I had enough of the loneliness. I love black bcs it is a safe color. It is getting close to your birthday. February 25 What's Up?I didn't write anything here for months..
The system is terriable, which make me could not update anything here.
Anyway here is a more public space. Normally, I will keep my diary in "Life in Blogcn".
That is my Chinese Blog, and that is a place where my close friends could find me and read me.
I am getting more and more busy about CTR. (Domestic Section of Olympic Torch Relay)
This a really good opportunity to do something about the Beijing 2008 Olympic,
and I can take this chance to travel around China during the relay..
But it is also a big challange to me.
I tried my best to manage this job.
Anyway, so far so good.
I enjoy my life in Beijing, and I will tell you what is happening on the road. November 08 Hello and WelcomeNothing is forever, and time comes when we all say goodbye to the world we knew; Goodbye to everything we have taken for granted; Goodbye to those we saw will never abandon us. And when these changes finally do occur; When the familiar has departed and the unfamiliar has taken its place. All of us can really do is to say "Hello" and "Welcome". September 20 Garfield's words collectionI'm fat, and I'm lazy, and I'm proud of it.
I hate Monday!
Eating right is easy. Each day I eat from the four basic food groups. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.
Here's what Garfield has to say about mornings: I'd like mornings better if they started later.
I'll rise, but I won't shine.
The early bird is insane.
Start each day with a smile and get it over with.
Waking up is hard to do.
"Good morning"is a contradiction in terms.
Garfield's eating tips: Never put off till tomorrow what you can eat today.
Eat every meal as if it were your last.
Chew your food at least once.
Snacks only between meals.
Don't save your dessert for last, eat it first.
Garfield's diet tips: Never go back for second, get it all the first time.
Set your scale back five pounds. On second thought, make it ten.
Vegetable are a must. I recommend carrot cake and pumkin pie.
Never start a diet cold turkey. (Maybe cold roast beef, cold pizza...)
Try to cut back. Leave the cherry off your hot fugde sundae.
Hang around people who are fatter than you.
Garfield's sleeping tips: Midnight snacks keep you awake. So stuff yourself at 11:30.
Pay no attention to those weird noises under the bed.
Nap often, so you'll be completely relaxed at bedtime.
Documentaries are guaranteed to induce drowsiness.
Get a teddy bear that won't hog the covers.
Water beds are not for those who claw in their sleep.
Here are some of Garfield's favourite dog put-dowms: Cats are poety in motion. Dogs are gibberish in neutral.
Life's a bowl of cherries, and dogs are the pits.
The only trick most dogs can do is "play stupid".
Dogs can't walk and drool at the same time.
A dog's breath is worse than his bite.
The only thing uglier than a dog is two dogs.
Garfield on pets::
Rabbits: Buy two chocolate ones and hope they multiply.
Goldfish: Neat, quite, and they make a tasty hors d'oeuvre.
Spiders: That's not a pet: that's a nightmare.
Mice: Cute, but they only love you for your cheese.
Dogs: Loving, loyal, and breath that would stun a yak.
Cats: Nature's most perfect pet. Need I say more?
The wit and wisdom of Garfield: Maturity is overrated.
There are no small jobs, just small paychecks.
Some says"Go for it!" I say,"Make it come to you!"
The meek shall inherit squat.
A little ego gose nowhere.
Garfield on mice: Show me a cat who's a good mouser, and I'll show you a cat with bad breath.
There's not a mouse. That's a plague germ with feet.
I can't catch a mouse...provided you throw it to me.
While the cat's away, the mice will use his credit card and fertilize his bed.
A mouse in the hand beats two in your underwear.
Some cats chase mice. I prefer to take legal action.
Garfield on cooking: A chef's hat does not a chef make.
Real cooks don't need recipes.
I don't make meals. I make reservations.
If you can't stand the heat, don't start a grease fire in the kitchen.
You know it undercooked when it start to moo.
The best meals are made by someone else.
Words to live by: Take life one nap at a time.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
Reach for the stars...settle for the bucks.
If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider.
You can't take it with you , soeat it now. September 14 Raining DayThe weather is getting cooler. Autumn is my favorite season.
After the hot and passionate summer, things and people would calm down now.
My life is still as regular as usual. Some friends asked my why I call myself "pilgrim". It is not a pleased name. I have read those words on a magazine. "I feel like I am a pilgrim, I piously asked God for the simplest happiness in my mind, The God gave me a plate of sand, I grab that desperately, But I couldn't get them all, And I won't find my hands empty either. God looked at me and smiled." I got the same kind of feeling in my life. Well, the happiness in my mind is that I could live with my beloved, in a small house but with a big bed. And I can get a job that doesn't need to get up early everyday, and then I can sleep as much as I want.
We don't need to be rich, but our life should be comfortable. Something seems easy to get, only untill you search for it, you will see how hard it is. September 11 Happy Birthday to TinaTina is my best friend in high school. But after we went to the university, we didn’t contact with each other quite often. I think it’s over three years that we didn’t meet each other.
Things change without notice. Anyway, I am very glad that she went to Beijing to study for the master degree. And there are plenty of chances for us to be together. It’s so nice to have an old friend visit by. And I plan to go shopping with her this weekend.
By the way, last weekend’s party is really great. I am so glad that we could be together after years. It is quite funny that Ray bought a fruit cake with the words “Welcome to Beijing” on it. And we think it could be more fun that to write “One World, One Dream” on the cake. Anyway, wish they will have fun with their study or work in Beijing.
As for my work, there is any significant progress with the torch relay project. However, I will try harder! September 06 Pilgrimpilgrim, how is your journey on the road you chose to find out where the winds die and where the stories go. all days come from one day that must you must know, you cannot change what's over but only where you go. one way leads to diamonds, one way leads to gold, another leads you only to everything you're told. in your heart you wonder which of these is true; the road that leads to nowhere, the road that leads to you. will you find the answer in all you say and do? will you find the answer in you? each heart is a pilgrim, each one wants to know the reason why the winds die and where the stories go. pilgrim, in your journey you may travel far, for pilgrim it's a long way to find out who you are... pilgrim, it's a long way to find out who you are... fade out...... July 23 Journeyit's a long long journey
till i know where i'm supposed to be it's a long long journey and i don't know if i can believe when shadows fall and block my eyes i am lost and know that i must hide it's a long long journey till i find my way home to you many days i've spent
drifting on through empty shores wondering what's my purpose wondering how to make me strong i know i will falter i know i will cry
i know you'll be standing by my side it's a long long journey and i need to be close to you sometimes it feels no one understands
i don't even know why i do the things i do when pride builds me up till i can't see my soul will you break down these walls and pull me through cause it's a long long journey
till i feel that i am worth the price you paid for me on calvary beneath those stormy skies when satan mocks and friends turn to foes
it feel like everything is out to make me lose control cause it's a long long journey till i find my way home to you. |
|
|
