Felt very sick yesterday, and stayed in bed all day long...

There were a lot of memories came to me. Unfortunately, I don't have much happy memories in my childhood. And I thought they were all gone. I thought I have forgotten them all.. But they are here, never left.. I feel sick about those things I have experienced.

Fay sent me a message late at night, she said she has given up the whole job thing, but she still feel luck to know a bright girl like me a year ago... Around me, she could feel the warm sunshine ...

It was a miracal that we two can actually get along with each other, as she is Roc's closest girl friend. Roc would consider her before me even when we were in the relationship. But I always know Fay is a great girl. I have nothing to compare with her. And I am happy that after all these, we could be good friends.

I never consider myself as a sunshine person. I am living a very hard life because I am desperately afraid of the  people who I care about give up me and leave me... I am always hoping to be needed and loved. But.. It seems like I don't have any good luck, especially in relationship.

I am afraid of seeing the friendship fade off as time goes by. I am afraid of being alone in a city without a close friend around. I miss them. I miss the time when we drunk, we sung, and laugh together.

I miss the time when I have dreams and expectations, which I can't remember any of them now. 

Anyway.. Hope someday, I can find my value somewhere, while someone could see my value, and he will stay. So we won't feel loney anymore.

I did lots of stupid things, I know. But I don't regret for what I did.. I.. I know I won't do such stupid things when I goes to 46, so I decided to do it when I am 23. I'd rather to be stupid, then miss the best time I could ever have. 

Affection is beyond everything to most girls, especially to me. I guess I just don't know the rules when I play the game, and I belived all the empty promise of tomorrow.

Here's to no tomorrow, so we can have the happy hours in love, forever.